Screenday – Palme D’Oracle – Cannes Predicitons

I may not have caught every In Competition movie, but I caught all of the good ones (sorry Ichimei – I heard you were a snooze) So before the big reveal tonight, here is my slate of predictions inevitable winners tonight.

Palme D’Or: “Le Havre”

Following the news that the most bothersome film on the planet, “Arirang” won for Un Certain Regard, I know that the gods of Cannes (DeNiro and friends) have to spite me and choose something that I hate or haven’t seen. So I’ll go with the French bore-a-thon critics are calling a “dry” comedy.

Grand Prix: “The Tree of Life”

Supposedly Olivier Assayas, the only sane member of the jury, has got a major hard-on for The Tree of Life. I think the others will respect the movie enough to give it the Grand Prix. And now that I’m on first name terms with the director, I don’t think Terry really needs or wants it. He’s just happy living in his own little bubble.

Director: Michel Hazanavicius – “The Artist”

The Artist most certainly will be rewarded somewhere, so I think this will be a great moment to give rising French director their stamp of approval. He nails the flash bang style of silent movies so well that it seems like a great fit without placing too much reverence on something is a really just a feat of vision.

Actor: Michael Fuith – “Michael”

This field is drier than an armadillo’s arm pit. All of the big films this year are either ensemble driven or child driven. Sure a child could win it, but I personally hate children. So I’d like to think the jury will give a “bravery” award to Michael from Michael as Michael for whipping out his dinglehopper at the dinner table. It’s also certainly not the least deserving performance out there.

Actress: Tilda Swinton – “We Need to Talk About Kevin”

All hail Queen Tilda! Her majesty has arrived and hopefully She will be honoured appropriately.

Screenplay: The Skin I Live In

Cannes is known as a director’s festival and a lot of the movies here feel like directors efforts and not of writers. Perhaps the most tightly wound story and certainly one with the showiest plot is Almodovar’s The Skin I Live In with all of its Spanish soap opera mayhem, psycho-thriller antics, and subtle social commentary on identity and sexuality.

Jury: “Drive”

Just try and ask Bobby DeNiro not to give this one something. Clearly he, and Uma and Jude and Olivier will all respond to this, but it feels too unpretentious and un-meaningful to win the big boys. It’ll get this “coochy coo” thanks for playing award.

Palme Dog: The dog from “The Artist”

A runaway favorite. This dog plays dead at least as well as Meryl Streep. Bravo!


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