Last Minute Oscar Predictions

One of my good friends asked for my last minute Oscar predictions on facebook so I thought I would make them official and put them here. Enjoy the show!

If I disagree with what the majority of Oscar pundits are saying, I mention that. It happens 6 times – 8 including the short categories.

Picture:
Who I Think Will Win: Argo
Who I Think SHOULD Win: Lincoln (not my favorite movie, but should win)
Which Nominee Can Go Fuck Themselves: Argo – it’s a really good movie, but there’s no subtext. It’s like a less exciting version of Ocean’s Eleven.
Should Have Been Here (That Actually Could Have Been Here): The Master

Director:
Who I Think Will Win: Steven Spielberg – Lincoln
Who People Think Will Win: Ang Lee – Life of Pi
Who I Think SHOULD Win: Steven Spielberg – Lincoln
Which Nominee Can Go Fuck Themselves: David O. Russell – Silver Linings Playbook (but only because he’s mean. Look for a youtube video of him and Lily Tomlin).
Should Have Been Here (That Actually Could Have Been Here): Kathryn Bigelow – Zero Dark Thirty

Actor:
Who I Think Will Win: Daniel Day-Lewis – Lincoln
Who I Think SHOULD Win: Daniel Day-Lewis – Lincoln
Which Nominee Can Go Fuck Themselves: Denzel Washington – Flight (If you watch Flight, 30 minutes in you think you are about to have a new favorite movie of all time, and then it just implodes in to derivative shit where Denzel barely manages to stand up straight let alone act).
Should Have Been Here (That Actually Could Have Been Here): Jean-Louis Trintignant – Amour

Actress:
Who I Think Will Win: Jennifer Lawrence – Silver Linings Playbook
Who People Think Will Win: Tossup: Lawrence or Emmanuelle Riva – Amour
Who I Think SHOULD Win: Emmanuelle Riva – Amour
Which Nominee Can Go Fuck Themselves: Quvenzhane Wallis – Beasts of the Southern Wild (I shouldn’t use such language… she’s 9).
Should Have Been Here (That Actually Could Have Been Here): Marion Cotillard – Rust and Bone

Supporting Actor:
Who I Think Will Win: Tommy Lee Jones – Lincoln
Who People Think Will Win: Robert DeNiro? It’s Literally a 5 way race
Who I Think SHOULD Win: Philip Seymour Hoffman – The Master
Which Nominee Can Go Fuck Themselves: Alan Arkin – Argo (He does nothing in that movie except be cranky. For about 9 minutes).
Should Have Been Here (That Actually Could Have Been Here): Leonardo DiCaprio – Django Unchained

Supporting Actress:
Who I Think Will Win: Anne Hathaway – Les Miserables
Who I Think SHOULD Win: Anne Hathaway – Les Miserables
Which Nominee Can Go Fuck Themselves: Jacki Weaver – Silve Linings Playbook
Should Have Been Here (That Actually Could Have Been Here): Ann Dowd – Compliance (Seriously. See this movie.)

Adapted Screenplay:
Who I Think Will Win: Tony Kushner – Lincoln
Who People Think Will Win: Chris Terrio – Argo
Who I Think SHOULD Win: Tony Kushner – Lincoln (because really… The man’s won a Pulitzer. He HAS to win…)
Which Nominee Can Go Fuck Themselves: Chris Terrio – Argo (Notice a theme?)
Should Have Been Here (That Actually Could Have Been Here): Stephen Chbosky – The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Original Screenplay:
Who I Think Will Win: Michael Haneke – Amour
Who People Think Will Win: Mark Boal – Zero Dark Thirty
Who I Think SHOULD Win: Mark Boal – Zero Dark Thirty (but he won’t win because of liberals who think ZDT is about water boarding)
Which Nominee Can Go Fuck Themselves: John Gatins – Flight (see Denzel Washington – then blame this fucker for all of the problems)
Should Have Been Here (That Actually Could Have Been Here): Rian Johnson – Looper

Cinematography:
Who I Think Will Win: Claudio Miranda – Life of Pi
Who I Think SHOULD Win: Roger Deakins – Skyfall (10 Oscar nominations, no wins)
Which Nominee Can Go Fuck Themselves: Robert Richardson – Django Unchained (He’s won 3)
Should Have Been Here (That Actually Could Have Been Here): Ben Richardson – Beasts of the Southern Wild

Costume Design:
Who I Think Will Win: Jacqueline Durran – Anna Karenina
Who I Think SHOULD Win: Jacqueline Durran – Anna Karenina
Which Nominee Can Go Fuck Themselves: Colleen Atwood – Snow White and the Huntsman (It’s honestly a nomination for Charlize Theron’s awesomeness)
Should Have Been Here (That Actually Could Have Been Here): Sharen Davis – Django Unchained

Film Editing:
Who I Think Will Win: William Goldenberg – Argo
Who I Think SHOULD Win: William Goldenberg AND Dylan Tichenor – Zero Dark Thirty (So it’s a win win for Goldenberg with 2 nominations in the same category. Good for him)
Which Nominee Can Go Fuck Themselves: Jay Cassidy and Crispin Struthers – Silver Linings Playbook (Mostly for their names)
Should Have Been Here (That Actually Could Have Been Here): Beasts of the Southern Wild

Makeup: (I don’t care about their names)
Who I Think Will Win: Les Miserables
Who People Think Will Win: The Hobbit (No one really knows though… This category is fucked up)
Who I Think SHOULD Win: Les Miserables
Which Nominee Can Go Fuck Themselves: Hitchcock… No wait The Hobbit… GAH BOTH!
Should Have Been Here (That Actually Could Have Been Here): LINCOLN!!!!

Original Score:
Who I Think Will Win: Mychael Danna – Life of Pi
Who I Think SHOULD Win: Dario Marianelli – Anna Karenina
Which Nominee Can Go Fuck Themselves: John Williams – Lincoln (It’s cliche to hate John Williams, and this isn’t his worst by a long shot… it’s just the worst of all of the nominees)
Should Have Been Here (That Actually Could Have Been Here): BEASTS OF THE SOUTHERN WILD! LISTEN TO THAT FIRST SONG NOW!

Original Song:
Who I Think Will Win: “Skyfall” – Skyfall
Who I Think SHOULD Win: “Skyfall” – Skyfall
Which Nominee Can Go Fuck Themselves: “Suddenly” – Les Miserables (It was already 2 and a half hours. Did you really need another song?)
Should Have Been Here (That Actually Could Have Been Here): “Who Did That To You” – Django Unchained

Production Design (Formerly Art Direction):
Who I Think Will Win: Anna Karenina
Who People Think Will Win: Life of Pi
Who I Think SHOULD Win: Skyfall
Which Nominee Can Go Fuck Themselves: The Hobbit
Should Have Been Here (That Actually Could Have Been Here): Prometheus

Sound Editing:
Who I Think Will Win: Life of Pi
Who I Think SHOULD Win: Life of Pi
Which Nominee Can Go Fuck Themselves: Argo
Should Have Been Here (That Actually Could Have Been Here): Prometheus

Sound Mixing:
Who I Think Will Win: Les Miserables
Who I Think SHOULD Win: Les Miserables
Which Nominee Can Go Fuck Themselves: Lincoln
Should Have Been Here (That Actually Could Have Been Here): Zero Dark Thirty

Visual Effects:
Who I Think Will Win: Life of Pi
Who I Think SHOULD Win: Life of Pi
Which Nominee Can Go Fuck Themselves: The Hobbit (It actually looks worse because of the 48fps)
Should Have Been Here (That Actually Could Have Been Here): Skyfall

Foreign Language:
Who I Think Will Win: Amour
Who I Think SHOULD Win: Amour
Which Nominee Can Go Fuck Themselves: I’ve only seen 3 but.. of those – War Witch
Should Have Been Here (That Actually Could Have Been Here): I’ve only seen a couple other foreign language movies but of those… Rust and Bone

Documentary:
Who I Think Will Win: Searching for Sugar Man
Who I Think SHOULD Win: How to Survive a Plague
Which Nominee Can Go Fuck Themselves: The Invisible War (people think it’s more interesting than it is because it’s about a heavy topic)
Should Have Been Here (That Actually Could Have Been Here): The Queen of Versailles

Animated:
Who I Think Will Win: Wreck-It Ralph
Who People Think Will Win: Wreck-It Ralph
Who I Think SHOULD Win: Frankenweenie by a mile
Which Nominee Can Go Fuck Themselves: The Pirates! Band of Misfits
Should Have Been Here (That Actually Could Have Been Here): None. You know this is one of my favorite categories and this year I was sorely unimpressed. You’d really like Wreck-It Ralph, but it never really does anything more than be a good kids movie. Frankenweenie is fantastic. Brave is better than people gave it credit for. Paranorman is worse than people gave it credit for.

Documentary Short: (I saw all 5 of these)
Who I Think Will Win: Inocente (it’s about a homeless girl who paints)
Who People Think Will Win: Open Heart (it’s about Rwandan children getting heart surgery in Sudan)
Who I Think SHOULD Win: King’s Point (it’s about the painful melancholy of a nursing home)
Which Nominee Can Go Fuck Themselves: Open Heart (It says nothing.)
Should Have Been Here (That Actually Could Have Been Here): Ummmmmm does Big Brother Season 14 count as a documentary short?

Live-Action Short:
Who I Think Will Win: Asad (It’s about Somalian Children)
Who People Think Will Win: Buzkashi Boys (It’s about Afghanistani children) OR Curfew (it’s about a suicidal drugee who’s babysitting his niece)
Who I Think SHOULD Win: Curfew
Which Nominee Can Go Fuck Themselves: Henry
Should Have Been Here (That Actually Could Have Been Here): Ummmmmm

Animated Short:
Who I Think Will Win: Paperman
Who I Think SHOULD Win: Paperman
Which Nominee Can Go Fuck Themselves: I’ve only seen two! But probably The Simpsons
Should Have Been Here (That Actually Could Have Been Here): People LOVE something called The Eagleman Stag… I don’t really get it… in a good way.

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